Wow. What a whirlwind adventure this summer has been. I think that this is the first time I have looked back on how God has moved in me the past couple months. I moved into Lady Bugg in May eager to learn and to grow in my heart for the Lord and his people. And man, God sure is a great teacher, but his methods are very unpredictable. I expected to be out of my comfort zone. I expected that He would open my eyes and my heart for another group of people who weren’t really even on my radar. I expected some ups and downs, victories and losses. One thing I didn’t expect was for God to show me my weaknesses so clearly. Things came up that I’m going to be processing for a while. I learned that my faith may have been sufficient to encourage and speak tenderly, but in sticky situations or conflict, my faith wobbles. Not only in the girls’ lives, but my own. I have noticed my heart becoming resistant to gospel truths, placing my own “band-aids” on sin infections instead of trusting His healing prescriptions. I escape by pleading ignorance and acting with false humility. Humility is not about shrinking back when I don’t want to fail or when I don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. Humility is taking confidence in the Lord and his truths and not myself. Why do I wait and watch for God to change my heart or my friends’ without following the Spirit’s leading when God asks me to do something? These are just a few questions I have been contemplating.
Being at LBH has been so good. When someone asked me if I was moving in because I have a passion for teen moms, I said no because I hadn’t met them yet. I have realized that God usually gives me a heart for the people I’m around, whether that be family, peers, small group girls, or international students. James 1:27 says “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this-to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” I was thinking, these are widows and orphans in some way. My precious sisters who I have now met have felt abandoned many times in different ways. True religion is not about having all the Sunday school answers, but about loving and helping people in their distress. Getting to know these women has been eye opening. Watching them learn to surrender when life is so tough has been heart-breaking, convicting and challenging. He has been faithful to change hearts right in front of my eyes (including my own). He has shown me why the best option is to completely depend on him and not myself.